DREAM OF MAAVAZHI.
After an interminable pause, he raised his hand and pointed a bony finger .…. “there,… there, among the stones , you’ll find a man who can help you. Find him and he’ll answer your questions”. He will tell you what is and what will be ......always”
The place was farther than my eyes told me, so far, many years passed before I finally reached the land of stones. These were not mere stones but mountains, massive boulders and lay ranged east to west, making sheer walls between deep gorges and they drew me to the center and made me think what I was now. Dead or was I ? Yes, the most powerful man on earth, dead, seeking a force more potent and powerful than me, the manifestation of the enlightened supreme being, Purusha, within which everything resided and controlled every action in the universe.
But I was dead, lying under a pile of wood and my grieving family was lighting the pyre. Or was I? Then I saw him, sitting cross legged and deep in thought, his breath suspended and it seemed like he lived within an envelope of pure life-giving air . Stillness hung and then I heard an intone.... 'Aum'......Deep and sonorous, it sent frissons along every nerve in my body.
I stared at his inert form. Nothing moved, nor lips nor muscle. I watched him and without it registering , he had grown and now he was a giant.
“Please, I feel like my mind is about to blow, please teach me everything . I'm so unsure“…“Please, you have left me confused ,what is prakrti, kaivalya,??”.
“What is everything,...mahabali..?" Was it sarcasm in his voice, was I being mocked here?
“Everything is”... I said and stopped mid sentence.
“Everything…….. is not nothing and nothing is not everything" "Shunya ....nothing... and nothing is nothing" .
I didn't understand. I wasn't even sure that was what he said and I groped for words, when I was met with a forceful kick on my head, nearly killing me. Fear gripped as the giant leg moved again, retracting and flexing at the knees and the bruising pain of earlier assault peaked. I felt a massive wave and the floor and the sheer walls around me, went into a spasm and then moved sinuously. Rocks flew past me and I hurtled along disappearing pathways into a vortex that kept receding. Then movements ceased and I fell to the floor.
I wanted to leave, get away and I stood up ran along the narrow gorge and it opened into another and another and another , all so stark and similar that escape from the prison of stones was impossible. In desperation, I tried to climb out of the labyrinth but the menacing stones loomed above me to the clouds. I was trapped and panic built up again. I ran, calling out narayana…narayana jaye.., those words, once I had ignored, didn't care for, thundered back from the lifeless walls in a thousand voices and I clamped my hands around my head to shut out the chant.
I felt sapped of will, weary .It dulled me, making me incapable of thinking. I stood up one last time and ran at the stones and they moved away from me, creating a fathomless void.
I fell into the void . Sheep wool clouds gathered around me . The clouds were always in my head, now they were outside. 'Prahriti', 'kaivalya' ... massive signs took shape and I floated among the whorls. More signs rose from it’s dying bosom, billowing up to lose its shape as another massive form emerged to fill the effervescent space and the drifting and fading clouds cleared me of the fluff that had clogged my mind ever since I was born . White light flashed inside my head and I felt a lightness .
I opened my eyes and looked. I still lay at the foot of the giant.The rest of him towered above the stone walls to the sky, beyond my vision. The place quietened down. I was scared.The silence and the menacing feet by me embodied further assault .
“vamana ...why me, why my life? Anguish and pain of a life not lived engulfed me ."I have no quarrel with you, vamana.....go away” ..I cried in utter helplessness .
"I am sridhara,vyuha, everything, before,now and will be, your bad and good....substance.
Monsters and beautiful women lined up, one behind another, all the way to the center of the universe and from its depth a voice ,
idaṃ viṣṇurvi cakrame tredhā ni dadhe padam |
samūḷhamasya pāṃsure ||
trīṇi padā vi cakrame viṣṇurghopā adābhyaḥ |
ato dharmāṇi dhārayan ||
I woke up and looked around . Except for a gnawing thirst, I was alright. I felt different. There were no bruises or wounds and I felt no pain. Instead I felt fresh, a new awareness , a feeling of being which I was not able to fathom. Soon the memory of the attack faded and I felt as some heavy liquid had drained out of my skull, making the inside much more brighter and lighter. I felt comfortable among the stones.
"Sukracharya.Won’t I ..won't we go back and undo all that ,undo our entire lives, start again with this great knowledge that I had acquired?There is so much more to learn, here, in Pathalam."
Bhargava knew I had lost my authority, completely and irrevocably and he said what he really felt. Evidently that didn't register and he continued.
"Sukra chaaarya.... please understand, Vamana means well..you know what it means..... and ..we... we have to accept the reality of a supreme being beyond me "
"Maavazhi..please, I hate being called that name". I was and am bhargava"
Bhargava
'sukra charyaaa'...phew.That despicable bastard sounded as if he were addressing a worm and ever since, it had stuck. Fornicating dwarf, he was the worm, not me. We had called that snivelling sonofabitch, 'Vaimanam', poison breath. I had warned , plead, fought, lost an eye trying to drive him out, but Mavazhi was so smitten with his nonsense , let him stay.
The result, the conniving dwarf was lording it out side, while we were incarcerated in prison we had built just for the likes of him.
.
After an interminable pause, he raised his hand and pointed a bony finger .…. “there,… there, among the stones , you’ll find a man who can help you. Find him and he’ll answer your questions”. He will tell you what is and what will be ......always”
The place was farther than my eyes told me, so far, many years passed before I finally reached the land of stones. These were not mere stones but mountains, massive boulders and lay ranged east to west, making sheer walls between deep gorges and they drew me to the center and made me think what I was now. Dead or was I ? Yes, the most powerful man on earth, dead, seeking a force more potent and powerful than me, the manifestation of the enlightened supreme being, Purusha, within which everything resided and controlled every action in the universe.
But I was dead, lying under a pile of wood and my grieving family was lighting the pyre. Or was I? Then I saw him, sitting cross legged and deep in thought, his breath suspended and it seemed like he lived within an envelope of pure life-giving air . Stillness hung and then I heard an intone.... 'Aum'......Deep and sonorous, it sent frissons along every nerve in my body.
I stared at his inert form. Nothing moved, nor lips nor muscle. I watched him and without it registering , he had grown and now he was a giant.
“Please, I feel like my mind is about to blow, please teach me everything . I'm so unsure“…“Please, you have left me confused ,what is prakrti, kaivalya,??”.
“What is everything,...mahabali..?" Was it sarcasm in his voice, was I being mocked here?
“Everything is”... I said and stopped mid sentence.
“Everything…….. is not nothing and nothing is not everything" "Shunya ....nothing... and nothing is nothing" .
I didn't understand. I wasn't even sure that was what he said and I groped for words, when I was met with a forceful kick on my head, nearly killing me. Fear gripped as the giant leg moved again, retracting and flexing at the knees and the bruising pain of earlier assault peaked. I felt a massive wave and the floor and the sheer walls around me, went into a spasm and then moved sinuously. Rocks flew past me and I hurtled along disappearing pathways into a vortex that kept receding. Then movements ceased and I fell to the floor.
I wanted to leave, get away and I stood up ran along the narrow gorge and it opened into another and another and another , all so stark and similar that escape from the prison of stones was impossible. In desperation, I tried to climb out of the labyrinth but the menacing stones loomed above me to the clouds. I was trapped and panic built up again. I ran, calling out narayana…narayana jaye.., those words, once I had ignored, didn't care for, thundered back from the lifeless walls in a thousand voices and I clamped my hands around my head to shut out the chant.
I felt sapped of will, weary .It dulled me, making me incapable of thinking. I stood up one last time and ran at the stones and they moved away from me, creating a fathomless void.
I fell into the void . Sheep wool clouds gathered around me . The clouds were always in my head, now they were outside. 'Prahriti', 'kaivalya' ... massive signs took shape and I floated among the whorls. More signs rose from it’s dying bosom, billowing up to lose its shape as another massive form emerged to fill the effervescent space and the drifting and fading clouds cleared me of the fluff that had clogged my mind ever since I was born . White light flashed inside my head and I felt a lightness .
I opened my eyes and looked. I still lay at the foot of the giant.The rest of him towered above the stone walls to the sky, beyond my vision. The place quietened down. I was scared.The silence and the menacing feet by me embodied further assault .
“vamana ...why me, why my life? Anguish and pain of a life not lived engulfed me ."I have no quarrel with you, vamana.....go away” ..I cried in utter helplessness .
"I am sridhara,vyuha, everything, before,now and will be, your bad and good....substance.
Monsters and beautiful women lined up, one behind another, all the way to the center of the universe and from its depth a voice ,
idaṃ viṣṇurvi cakrame tredhā ni dadhe padam |
samūḷhamasya pāṃsure ||
trīṇi padā vi cakrame viṣṇurghopā adābhyaḥ |
ato dharmāṇi dhārayan ||
I woke up and looked around . Except for a gnawing thirst, I was alright. I felt different. There were no bruises or wounds and I felt no pain. Instead I felt fresh, a new awareness , a feeling of being which I was not able to fathom. Soon the memory of the attack faded and I felt as some heavy liquid had drained out of my skull, making the inside much more brighter and lighter. I felt comfortable among the stones.
"Sukracharya.Won’t I ..won't we go back and undo all that ,undo our entire lives, start again with this great knowledge that I had acquired?There is so much more to learn, here, in Pathalam."
Bhargava knew I had lost my authority, completely and irrevocably and he said what he really felt. Evidently that didn't register and he continued.
"Sukra chaaarya.... please understand, Vamana means well..you know what it means..... and ..we... we have to accept the reality of a supreme being beyond me "
"Maavazhi..please, I hate being called that name". I was and am bhargava"
Bhargava
'sukra charyaaa'...phew.That despicable bastard sounded as if he were addressing a worm and ever since, it had stuck. Fornicating dwarf, he was the worm, not me. We had called that snivelling sonofabitch, 'Vaimanam', poison breath. I had warned , plead, fought, lost an eye trying to drive him out, but Mavazhi was so smitten with his nonsense , let him stay.
The result, the conniving dwarf was lording it out side, while we were incarcerated in prison we had built just for the likes of him.
.
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